Hanabi

Recently, Hanabi has become my go-to online social game. It produces anxiety, stress, elation, and curiosity. The premise is simple. You play through a deck of fifty cards. Each card displays a color (purple, red, yellow, green, or blue) and a number (1 through 5, inclusive). For each color, there are three 1s, two 2s, two 3s, two 4s, and one 5. Thus, 50 cards. You can add an additional ten cards for a rainbow color, but we’ll skip that aspect for this post. Your hand size varies depending on the number of players; for three players, you hold five cards. The goal is to play cards of each color in numerical order, 1 to 5. You can work on each of these color sets concurrently, in that you can move up the number continuum for each color at equal or separate rates. For example, you could have played the blue 1, 2, and 3; yet, only be at a 1 for the yellow color, and perhaps not even have started with the green, red, and purple colors. The number stack for each color can be built separate from each other color, with the dominant rule being that you must play numbers for a given color in numerical, increasing order.

The rub is that you do not see your own cards, but you see everyone else’s hand. During the game, you’re not to speak about the cards or convey strategy. You socialize about life, discuss books, share baking tips, wax on about aspirations, and generally behave as if you’re in a knitting circle or other imagined social gathering of your preference.

You begin a game with eight hint counters. On your turn, you can either discard a card and draw a new one, play a card, or give a hint by spending a hint counter. Discarding a card removes it from the game and earns you back a hint counter. Note that you cannot have more than eight hint counters. Playing a card means you go to add it to next lowest sequence for one of the color sets. If the card is a valid play, it is added to the set (i.e., the next number in the set for the given color). If it’s not playable, then it’s added to the discard pile. You do not receive a hint counter for a played card, whether it is a viable play or is discarded.

To give a hint, you inform another player which cards in that person’s hand are of a certain number of color. For example, you could indicate which cards are a 1 and then tap each of those cards. Or, you could say these cards are blue, and tap each of those cards. To give a hint, you indicate every card that fits the given criterium, thus if the person in the last example is holding three blue cards, you couldn’t just tap the one blue card that you want the person to play, but rather you must indicate that all three are blue.

I had encountered the game years ago, but in person its logistics overwhelmed me. For, memorizing what people had told you wasn’t easy. I would recite each clue perpetually, a sort of mantra. And, then you also need to recall what you’ve told other people as well. The magic of the game is deducing what you may have based on what others have shared and when they’ve shared that information. It’s a game of efficiency gained via deduction and navigating the imperfect information you possess is from which its magic arises.

Being distant from friends, we’ve turned to online implementations. There are many for Hanabi, but I’ve only tried one site. It’s bare bones. Simple. Yet, it’s elegant. Clues received appear on cards, indicating all info each player knows about a card. Thus, if you tell someone that two cards in the hand are 3s then the other cards become marked with a “not 3” symbol. Rather than provide a turn log, the screen displays the last move conducted, thus you must remember some details, in terms of when clues had been given, but the presentation alleviates the heaviest load of details you’d need to remember, namely what people know about their cards based via provided hints.

As you play, you develop a manner of sharing clues and expectations about such clues. Players develop a common set of assumptions and behaviors that resembles a modest language. You elate when a friend gets what you want done or not done, and everyone sighs collectively when a mistake gets made. Following games, we’ll turn to a text or video conversation to relay what went wrong and celebrate slick clues. I have fist pumped the air more than once due to a solid move, and if my friends had been near, we’d have exchanged high fives. I love the sense of accomplishment induced by a perfect score, playing 1 – 5 of all five colors.

Having explored Hanabi with the same two people, the rare times we’ve brought on another person have felt odd. The conversation of hints and plays becomes disjointed. The rhyhym is off. Misplays occur with frequency. These people have all been new to the game, so whether such a disconnect would occur with seasoned players, I know not, though I suspect that some standards we’ve incorporated into our games may be somewhat unique to our specific crew. Though, the spaces in-between various standards could likely be closed quickly. Something I’ve loved about certain games is how you feel them. In chess, I can sense another person’s strengths as turns accrue. Agricola provides a sense of dread as you time the options through possible worker placements against the clocking tick of the game’s hunger mechanic, where you lose points due to your game’s family members lacking enough sustenance. With Hanabi, playing with friends provides a sense of home

Last Gasp of a Wonderful Weekend

I never want to go to bed as the weekend closes. The longer the time away from work, the harder it becomes for me to submit to slumber. Don’t misunderstand. My job is fine. True, it comes with equal parts absurdities and fulfillments, and the balance between these two aspects varies week-by-week, but—regardless of whether I view my vocation as a vacuous endeavor or a mental puzzle that evokes purpose or some variation in-between—the pleasure that owning your time and being able to flow down whatever streams float your boat shall always rise above the hours spent toiling within a job’s structure. To go from successive days of defining your hours freely to another bout of eight or nine hours spent emailing coworkers, meeting to discuss whatever or whatever, and generally navigating the bureaucratic aspects of employment inevitably reminds me that casting oneself from the rigidity of employment to the adventurous world of friends, play, and explorations shall forever be the honey that shall sweeten the sustenance that fuels me.

This weekend was especially wonderful. Though, thankfully I attribute such words to most of my free days. I had ample time to film scenes for various videos and dabble in Final Cut Pro to learn its intricacies, of which I remain a novice. Some board games—such as Too Many Bones, Raiders of the North Sea, Hanabi, Dominion—swept along the hours. A couple episodes of Rick and Morty disturbed and delighted me, as is their tendency. Friends socialized via Zoom and played some games, such as Wavelength, which invariably amuses everyone with the outlandish clues and discussions to target where along a continuum the given clue sought our focus. A park housed a group of us as we lounged and played on a slack line, and some friends threw a Frisbee as I attempted to capture some photos of the dramatics, for frozen frames of catches create amusing visual splendor. Kitchen pursuits brought delectable delights to my tongue. Time spent meandering about this world with Kelly produced smiles as well.

Though, I do recognize that these wondrous events accrue during the workweek. We tuck play into the evenings, whether through group exercises conducted via video or in the kitchen as Kelly and I dice onions, fire up the range, and then sit at the table to decompress as vittles collect in our gullets. Games get played, both in person with Kelly and across the series of tubes that we call the internet. Words from books materialize along screens and in the air as audio snippets. Jogs take me through nearby neighborhoods. These things occur, and the world keeps spinning. Remember the joys we bring. Cultivate the sparks of life. Recognize darkness, yet never let it suffocate you. Hold all the dear things close. Let them fill you with their light.

Watch the flowers grow as spring transforms into summer. Let the electric of being alive tingle your fingertips and infuse your toes. Step as if you’re on the moon. Bound. Notice the sunlight tickle your flesh. The wind, it seeks to massage you. Voices call out to remind you that we’re connected. String theory, whatever its merit, gets some things right. Tendrils do connect us.

With a heating pad on my back, I stare back at the days that have passed. Last night a nightmare awoke me. I started in response, thrusting myself upward. Somehow, in this process, for it was a whiplash of sorts, I spasmed some muscles. It was impossible to look behind me, to turn about my torso. A pull-up would be infeasible. Spasms of pain such a motion would produce. Amusing, to have injured my body while asleep. An impressive feat. Some ibuprofen, stretches, and hours of the day ameliorated most of the discomfort. Tomorrow the recovery shall continue. Though, I confess that sleep scares me, for what if this self-destructive lurching repeats?

So, now I have work and the theatrics of being asleep ahead. Yet, beyond these hours, for that’s all that they are, hours atop hours, comes more freedom. Only four days this workweek. That’s not bad. Not bad at all. With eyes open, I’ll struggle against sleep for another hour, and then work will come and go. I’ll enjoy aspects. I’ll suffer through others. I’ll laugh with coworkers. I’ll smile at the witty things people say and do. I’ll appreciate that we’re all trying together to accomplish outcomes. And, and, and, and, and, then comes the weekend again. Toward that, I can swim, whether it feels like salmon heading out to the ocean or returning, beating against currents and rocks and perhaps even manmade constructs. For, in the end, most everything is a construct, whether physical or conceptual, and we can assemble our stories even if the chapter titles or subject matters are not always of our choosing.

Barenpark

Played Barenpark earlier tonight with Kelly. It’s a polyominos placement game (Tetris pieces, essentially). You try to maximize points by being the first person to claim certain pieces. Each turn resembles the prior turn, and there’s only a touch of a need to think ahead. Simple, yet fun.

Earlier, I loaded a rules video while doing my daily 50 burpees; however, I phased out as the person explained how to set the game up, so I decided to forgo learning the game ahead of setting it up. It’s one of those games that’s much easier to learn without a video; two or three pages of rules, with graphics included with the explanations. It’s faster and clearer to skim the rule book with the pieces on the table than it is to suffer through a video. Rather simple game; You basically make one move each turn that can then trigger up to a few outcomes. Rinse. Repeat.

Not a bad experience though, despite its simplicity. There’s something fulfilling about aligning Tetris-style pieces. That you get points for being the first to claim certain pieces and to reach certain goals requires you to plan ahead, perhaps sacrificing your preferred course to achieve a more valuable outcome. Timing is the main variable, given that first movers gain more points, as is pre-planning moves, for you grab pieces ahead of playing them, and sometimes you accumulate several pieces, yet you may only play one each time.

As a two-player game, your options to block the other player were relatively straightforward. I could see it being best with four players; more occurring between your turns would keep you on your toes and would increase the tension felt regarding the unique pieces.

I have to select games wisely when it comes to gaming with Kelly. Certain mechanics never will hit our gaming table, especially ones that put us in direct conflict. For example, Skulk Hollow was a complete flop. Same with Evolution. No targeting of another. Personally, I avoid “take that” mechanics, so I get her preference, though some of the meanest games out there please me immensely (e.g., Through the Ages and Innovation). If you let yourself be a target, then I don’t mind the aggression as much, and combative elements in two-player games is fine, since there’s no arbitrariness involved in whom gets harmed. Logic of the “Dave won the last game, so let’s put the thief on him” variety displeases me. Much better when everyone gets hit, as is typically the case in Dominion – attacks either harm either everyone but the person playing the card or potentially do so, with randomness being the factor that drives the “potentially.”

This game lands well in the playable camp. It’s cute, though the theme is rather pasted on. You have some decisional space, but the game doesn’t require ample thought. No analysis paralysis will occur yet slowing down to contemplate options does help.

I’ll add that I had thought that I had slaughtered her. I had grabbed more of the advanced bonuses, and I had taken some of the more valuable large pieces. Yet, in the game you vie to complete four player boards upon which you place the polyominos, with serious points going to the person first completing their boards. She had completed the first few before me, which racked her up some serious points. Despite my worry that I had a runaway win, she bested me by six points, 100 to 94.

We’ll be playing the game again before long, that much I know. It’s a pared down version of Isle of Cats, which we also enjoyed. That game has more degrees of complexity, in that you draft cards and then pay for cards from the set that you draft, which consumes the same resources needed to buy cats (i.e., the polyominos) to then add to your board. The bonuses vary per game, and you select them as you proceed, as well as potentially block the other from gaining them given the draft mechanics. That we can explore similar mechanics via a quick game or an extended one serves two distinct options within one gaming mechanic universe. It’ll be interesting to see which game sees more play in the end.

Merely a Deck of Cards

Addled. Exhausted. Yet, somehow ready to surge into the next activity. For, you do what the universe instructs you to do. Flip a card, follow its lead despite how crushed you felt by the relentless mandates that the deck had decreed earlier. You knew that what would follow would consist of more of the same. It’s a pattern, even if its exact shape remains a mystery. The construct, as a whole, as a structure has boundaries. Rules. Terms. Within this framework, you navigate. An endpoint sat ahead. You could glimpse it. The beauty of toil is that it terminates. You endure.

At this snapshot moment in time, that spell that followed the near-consecutive jokers, was unlike the span of time that had come before them. Stunned. Hexed. Clueless. That’s what happens when a magician summons lightning to throttle you. Prior to the jokers, things had been going smoothly enough. Then the jokers arrived. They broke me. We had been flipping through a deck of cards. Royals indicated specific minute-long exercises. Non-face cards required us to complete reps equal to their value, each suit a different exercise. Aces are effectively royals. Jokers, they’re where you lose touch with thought; life becomes reminiscent of a non-lucid dream, in that things happen and then afterward you look back with a hazy memory.

The word “fluid” served as an apt descriptor of how my muscles felt. Water might feel more solid than I considered myself to be following the second joker. A desire to flow along the floor to the nearest corner leg of my bed arose. Along that pillar, I could reach the mattress by leveraging some manner of capillary action reliant on physical laws rather than anything a kinesiologist might label as human motion. Not sure that I had worked myself this thoroughly in some time. The front stretches of my shoulders ached. My hips creaked. I hungered for a salt lick. I fantasized about coconut water or some permutation of liquid that could replenish me beyond the capabilities of water. My lungs through diaphragmatic gasps informed me that breathes alone could not supply the oxygen that my blood flow desperately required so as to transport nutrients to refill my depleting reserves. My brain failed to retain much of what followed.

Gloria Gaynor says “survive” in “I Will Survive” fewer times than I had anticipated. For the joker, we did bicycles (the ab workout) throughout the song. Whenever she said the word’ survive,” we’d launch into v-ups. V-ups are awful. They hurt. Say v-ups and the word cloud of responses to the exercise would include “Intense.” Yet, bicycles start to burn more quickly than you anticipate. That a v-up becomes a rest activity demonstrates how difficult it is to maintain bicycles for about four minutes. That Gloria sings “survive” about ten times during the song shocked me. I anticipated more talk of survival. I thought of Roxanne. So much “Roxanne” in Roxanne. Not nearly as much surviving in a song dedicated to keeping on keeping on. I longed for “survive.” I mentally begged for v-ups.

Two jokers. The second joker involved the same song. This time we maintained front plank as Gloria sang. On “survive,” we would do a push-up. I longed for the push-ups. They were an escape. A break. Before the song concluded, I could barely plank. This is the liquified moment. That line following when I had given it my all. When my face surely looked possessed. Demonic. Call a priest. That my head was not rotating fully must shock people more than my head would have had it so turned. Some terrible manner of grimace must have overtaken my expression.

And, that, is how you do a workout.

Paranoia Does Not Equal Careful

How terrified people become unnerves me. Their fears reveal how malleable they can become; they can cause absurd if not detrimental behavior. An image locked itself into my mind. When the minor earthquake struck several years ago, most of us had no idea what was happening. It was bizarre to feel the building heave, to see water in my glass resemble waves crashing at the shore. A coworker cried, “what’s happening.” Trembling of the earth let to perturbations of the mind. As I headed toward the stairwell, for we all went to leave the building, unaware of what else to do, I spied this guy head into the elevator. We made eye contact before he vanished from sight. Having seen the grim reaper come for him, would surely have invoked less fear than I saw emitting from his expression. I tried to tell him that he should take the stairs, but how inhuman he looked, how lost and astray he appeared, left me speechless.

When we first began to shutter ourselves to slow the spread of COVID-19, news articles circulated that ibuprofen may intensify the disease’s impact. The articles shared this perspective, apparently arising from some preliminary statements issued by certain French authorities Earlier, while also conveying that no one else of note understood what prompted the such a claim. That weekend while in Giant, I needed to grab some Advil. The OTC shelf for painkillers was emptied, that is, except for ibuprofen. Those pills were fully stocked. Perfect.

Returning from a run, I held the door for a person struggling to move her bike into the building. The side entrance requires a fob. The scanner sits to the left of the door. The door, which is somewhat heavy ,is hinged on the right side so that it swings toward you as you enter. Strong springs press to close the door, thus requiring you to apply some effort whenever you come or go. While ferrying goods, you must exhibit some finesse lest the door slams into you or what you’re carrying. She didn’t seem happy that I was helping.

Another person approached. I tried to do the thing where you hold the door open so that the person behind you can maintain the door’s position as you continue onward. She refused to touch the door. She also endeavored to maintain as much distance between herself and me as she could. That she didn’t simply say, “let it close, I’ll follow,” confuses me given how much effort she applied trying to sideway limbo herself through the opening as she forced me to prop open the passageway (or let the door slam into her) while also maximizing the distance between us. Fear – palpable anxiety that looking at her forced you to internalize and experience as well – widened her eyes, tightened her cheeks, and sucked all air from the room. She looked more of an addled beast than human.

When I was running, I passed by homes. Many are for sale. The idea of not renting appeals to me, though the desire to remain in the DC area doesn’t appeal to me. Mountains call to me. Rivers. Backpacking and climbing destinations that are not so far away that they are “destinations” in the big notion sense of the word. I long to renew those days spent in Portland, when I could escape to an alpine lake for a weekend, weekend after weekend. Not that I need Portland, for many locations provide such proximate splendor. Yet, if this region continues to serve as my nest, then to move to a house does appeal to me. A yard for a garden and bird houses. A larger kitchen. Space for various activities. An office, and a room for games. And so on.

Also, the way this nation seems to be heading, I foresee chaotic descents into societal madness, as seen in books like The Road or The Parable of the Sower. People with guns behaving horrendously. Distribution systems shuttered. Electricity perhaps lost as well. I picture lunatics sieging my apartment building for goods. They could post themselves at each of the exits to slaughter people as they seek to flee. Meanwhile, their crew could go door-to-door, taking on an apartment at a time. The fearful will let this happen to them. Sans ability to uprise together, we’ll die alone. These thoughts play out in my mind as I imagine opportunities to band together, to escape. I imagine such scenarios play out in the little suburban area where the houses are, through which I run. With such thoughts in play, I witness this strange, horrified person eschew anything close to contact, with anything or anyone. She disturbs me more than the nightmare scenarios that plague my mind, for her fears appear as actions whereas mine are fleeting visions of a world gone wrong. Her anxieties and concerns have transformed our world. Mine, remind me that we must sift the irrational from the actual, even if it’s not clear at times how to do so.

Flailing into Failure and Not Feeling Like a Failure

A friend suffered a setback the other day. It’s his story, not mine, so I won’t go into the details. However, as context, image that you rejiggered your life. We’re talking big picture stuff. Vocational and geographical shifts underlain by the complexities of family life. There’s something that must be accomplished, and life is sort of on pause for this thing to occur, and it’s up to you to make it so. Failure equals an extension of your current limbo, which means the ongoing pressures will continue to build. That the outcome desired did not equal the outcome earned would be a fate most people would not wish to communicate due to it being a bummer, though even more so that it’d be embarrassing. What struck me about this person, and one of the things that I find remarkable about him, is that this person willing volunteered news of this setback. “This thing happened, and it’s a bummer.” I love people who are secure in themselves and their situation. It’s refreshing, for many people live in worlds built upon doubt and cladded with avoidance.

Back in college and graduate school, in creative writing classes no one would ever provide useful feedback. Everyone wanted to be kind and friendly. Tear apart the writing; explain what doesn’t work. Convey what’s effective, if anything. Only by showing what fails can I learn to overcome these deficiencies. My value and self-view are not in those lines that you read. If I’m working out, correct my form. It’s not personal; I don’t want to injure myself. I may not understand, or I might lack the ability to perform the motions correctly, but that I am unable to do something correctly does not diminish me.

In fact, the other day Kelly was concerned that I had felt targeted or embarrassed or something in response to her advice regarding the proper form for squats. No, it was simply that I had thought that what I was doing aligned with what she had conveyed – stand up fully, thus I had claimed that I was doing just what she had suggested. Though, I was glad that she raised the topic, for once I regained my breathe, it struck me that, surely, she had seen something askew since she had brought up the topic. Once I understood she meant that I needed to stand fully erect again, not to lean forward at all, did I manage to transform a suggestion into practice.

Same scenario with games, it’s ok to lose; to get trounced. To never win. It’s frustrating if luck goes against you, or you make a poor decision, but these things are not reflections on you. Sometimes people’s plans work out better than yours. Sometimes, it’s just that another person better understands the nuances of the game. Roll with your weaknesses. Accept that it’s ok to be middling at times, if not always. In the end, these things are meaningless, and to ascribe import to them to the extent that you become angered or self-disappointed or embarrassed is to lose a race that isn’t even a race.

I’m sadden by my friend’s bad news. Some other friends also suffered a tragedy the same day. Problems piling onto problems. Given how bad things can go, it’s important to maintain perspective. I’m pleased to have friends in my life, pursuits to pursue, and food to consume. With the rest, my goal is to learn how to be a better person to myself and to my friends, even if it requires being reminded of the many things at which I shall flail, if not fail at as well.

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