I’ve entered a covid-19 slump. It’s not that my mood has declined or that repetition of daily cycles has begun to wear me down. At least, I do not believe that such things are at play. Whatever nags at me may lurk below the surface. Of its impetus or scope, I may remain blind, for I admit that the details of this quasi-malaise remain unclear. I do comprehend that each day feels rush. Weeks, as well. That August has arrived reeks of the surreal. Time has accelerated rather than slowed. I’ve compressed more activities into my days, and sans time spent in an office, everything sort of blurs.
The weekends have been busy. My memory of them lessens. They have become blinks of the eye. Imagine that you find yourself in a new location. You only have a second to intake your surroundings. A blink of time, and then the lights go out. You’re asked the draw what you saw during this fleeting span. Within such parameters, I’d be lost. The broad strokes I could provide, but the details would be absent. So resembles my storage capacity for the weekend. They’re clumps of experience, concrete in their overall abstraction yet vague when I scan for their intricacies.
Similarly, the workdays lump together. I rush through them, and they comprise the bulk of each week. Given their ongoing persistent and somewhat repetitive rhythms it seems like I retain more lucid accounts of them, and thus I have the impression that any summary of each week finds that what I can relay regarding work outbalances play. Merriment declines when I face this fact. Depression does not lumber into my days. It’s not dark yet. And, I wouldn’t say that it’s getting there. However, I need to slow down and appreciate the stretches in-between those spent earning financial flow.
One method to appreciate and retain memories shall be to write more. I fell off the narrative wagon once climbing roared back into the scene. The sport occupies much of my free time, in terms of going on trips as well as preparing for them. Similarly, we’ve visited the gym several times, which transforms spans of hours into concentrated blocks of activity. Since we’re not socializing at the gym and you only receive a limited block of time, we see little downtime. Efficiency dictates much of the experience, which has altered how I perceive climbing gym sessions: more work than play. Don’t misunderstand. They’re insanely fun, as usual. I love jumping on a new route to see how it goes, as well as projecting one that stymied me on a prior attempt. The magic remains despite the business-like process which we now follow. Though, I do look forward to engaging in interactions beyond waves and passing hellos that feel more furtive than shared.
Additionally, I endeavor to separate myself from mindless addictions. Much time each day finds me staring at banal content online. RSS feeds. YouTube feeds. News articles. Various websites. Onward go the distractions. Not much of it is meaningful and the content doesn’t last in meaningful ways. I appreciate laughs spurred by videos of cute animals and other related fodder, yet my intake of such distractions could decline while still allowing for such delights to inject smiles into a given day, or even every day. I’d rather go for a walk, take care of chores, interact with a friend, or do most anything else that distracts me as much as the Internet might yet would also provide something more sustainable and fulfilling than moments lost into a phone. Even the downtime, as an example, spent playing Gloomhaven with friends, waiting for a person to select a card, feels more poignant and connective than another minute lost online. The Internet ever lurks at the periphery, enticing me back into its embrace. The hours accumulate and disperse. Simulacra.
Mindfulness is a goal. As is taking moments to appreciate shared laughs, curiosities, quiet pauses, and everything else under our grand sun. That I tried to see Neowise delights me, even though all I managed to espy was a blur that may have been a nebula. Not a bad fate to mistake a nebula for a comet! What a wild universe in which we’re embedded. This weekend shall be replete with splendors. We climb on Saturday and shall catch up with some friends. More time shall be spent with Friends on Sunday. I foresee a run, some cleaning, a touch of gaming, cooking, and various other endeavors. The hours shall flow through activity, and I look forward to it all.